Sex Toys for Beginners Part 4: Rear Entry

Now that we've covered the basics, let's move on to the more intimidating class of toys - the ones for anal play. These aren't for the faint of heart, but they're not as scary as you might think, either!

When it comes to the back door, there are a few things to bear in mind, the most important being: don't lose anything up there. I once heard it described as "a hungry little orifice," which is a good way to think of it. If you look at toys that are custom-made for anal play, you'll notice that they either are on strings (anal beads) or have a base that is flared. This is because the muscles back there are very strong - and often move involuntarily. If you put something in there that you can't hold onto or that doesn't have a flared base, you could be in trouble - and end up making an embarrassing (and uncomfortable) trip to the doctor's office.

This isn't to say you can't use dildos that aren't custom-made for anal play, however if you do, make sure they have something to hold onto, and don't use so much lube that you lose your grip. Safety first, people!

If you're not sure where to start but are curious, I'd recommend starting off with something custom-made for anal play - and I'd go with something small, like this plug:

It's not too big, but you'll still want to go slowly. The muscles in the anal region aren't accustomed to letting things in, and it can feel pretty weird at first. If you try to go too fast you might find it uncomfortable and be put off by the whole idea. Don't rush it, and don't worry if you don't get as far as you want on your first try.

Anal beads are great too - the texture can be quite pleasing and they can be inserted early on during play and removed strategically to enhance orgasm. Again, be sure not to lose them up there! A great set to begin with is "Flexi Felix," which looks just as cute as it sounds, is relatively small and, as the name implies, flexible.

There are some toys designed for men to use in anal play specifically to stimulate the prostate (or p-spot). The Aneros is a great one because it's designed to move pleasurably automatically when muscles contract, and it has a tab to massage the pressure point in the perineum. Click on the link to see an informative video that will show you the toy and identify the different features.

Bonus Tip: Don't forget to use plenty of (water-based) lube!

A Week of Sex: January 20-27

This was a big week. I tried for two days to narrow this down, and I have finally given up. On the plus side, there should be something of interest to pretty much everyone here - even if cartoon-spoof porn is your thing. No, I'm not joking. 

• Sexuality expert donates archive to Cornell

As if there weren't already 50,000 reasons to love Susie Bright - now the sexpert is donating her archives (she's been writing about sexuality and feminist issues since the 1970s) to Cornell University. The archives 'document the “historical shifts in the social construction of sexuality, with a focus on U.S. lesbian and gay history and the politics of pornography.”' If you don't know who Susie Bright is, go introduce yourself to her work immediately. 

• Harlotry: My Sex Work Persona Versus My Real Life Relationships

Ever wonder what goes through the minds of sex workers while they're dancing/stripping/etc.? Take a peek.

• 10 Tips For The Aspiring Feminist Dominatrix

And if you ever wondered if the lofty heels of the dominatrix were the perfect fit for your dainty tootsies, here's a primer.

• Student proposes panic button for sex workers

Because of the nature of sex work, sex workers not only work outside the law in a private, often secluded and uncontrolled environment, but are socially stigmatized. This is a bit like a Bermuda triangle of risk, making them targets for all sorts of abuse and violence if they're not careful and lucky. UBC students are proposing a pilot program to provide 100 sex workers in Vancouver's Downtown East Side (DTES) with panic buttons with GPS that only activate when triggered, thus removing the "big brother" concern associated with similar devices.

• Does porn hurt relationships?

Spoiler alert: No.

• Pornography is corrupting our youth, and good on Diane Abbott for having the guts to say so

Another perspective on porn deals with what today's hypersexualized culture (sexting, slut-shaming, porn - even advertising and mainstream media) is doing to children growing up with it. 

• University Of Toronto Sex Club: School's Sexual Awareness Event A Huge Deal

Yeah, you read that right. An orgy that enables students to explore an "adult playground," including public nudity and sex, is not only being tolerated but being backed by the University. I totally picked the wrong post-secondary institution.

• 'SpongeBob' Porn Parody, 'SpongeKnob SquareNuts,' Makes Web Splash (Video)

I'm all for a good parody. Some of my favourite pornos are parodies. But is XXXing Spongebob taking it just a little far?

• LeAnn Rimes Brags About Giving Eddie Cibrian Sex “Whenever He Wants It”

It's nice to see a lady admitting to loving having sex with her partner this much. It tugs at the heartstrings. Really. I may have even said "Aw."

• Sundance or 'Porndance'? Two decades on from sex, lies and videotape

I'm so proud of Sundance this year. Also really wishing I coulda been there.

• Here’s James Franco Saying More Stuff About Porn

A wee interview about a little film called Kink (that I talked about in this post) and the trailer for the film itself. Best quote? "If pornography was high school, we would be the goth table."

• The War of the Jameses

Turns out two of my favourite Jameses - James Franco, blockbuster star turned porn aficionado, and James Deen, porn star turned The Canyons leading man - want to bring the now legendary character from 50 Shades of Grey, Christian Grey, to life on the big screen. I'd watch either of them so I'm having trouble picking sides. I like to picture them mud wrestling for the honours - but that might just be me.

Phew. Toldya. And with that I'm dragging my exhausted ass to bed. Hope my hard work gave you some entertainment!

"He Was Killed By Belladonna..."

That was my first thought too. Guess both Dean and Felicia Day are my soulmates. I'm totally okay with that.

Sex Toys for Beginners Part 3: The Size and Shape of It

Once you've got the vibrator sorted out, a dildo is the next logical step. These come in all sorts of variations - different sizes, shapes, textures, some that vibrate, have flashing lights, pearls or ball bearings - whatever takes your fancy. I recommend starting with something that isn't too complicated, like this one:

Some of the benefits of this one are that it's easy to clean and take care of (it's silicone so you can boil it or clean it in a bleach solution - more info on this coming in Part 7), doesn't run out of batteries, can be taken safely in the tub, and it even has a cavity that fits a vibrating bullet if you want some vibrations to go with it. Because this is silicone it gets warm pretty quickly and once it's warm, it'll stay that way for awhile.

Tip: If you hate the feel of a cold dildo, run it under warm water for a minute or so before playing so that it's body temperature.

Condoms are Cramping Porno Valley's Style

Working in porn carries certain risks. Not least of which is the risk of catching an STD - HIV in particular. This is an issue porn production companies are not unaware of, and (at least on this continent) they put measures in place to minimize the risk of transmission amongst actors. But, the fact of the matter is, these risks exist.

Near the end of 2012, a proposed piece of legislature called "Measure B" was approved, mandating the use of condoms on all porn set in LA County - an area many adult entertainment companies and porn stars call home. Though hailed as a major coup by HIV/AIDS activism groups, the new law has not been as popular with adult entertainment producers - or the actors working in the industry.

In December 2012 James Deen (a porn actor primarily, but who will be starring alongside Lindsay Lohan in upcoming Brett Easton Ellis flick, The Canyons) spoke out on the subject, calling the measure unnecessary and further stating that the actors working in the adult entertainment industry are just that - adults - capable of weighing health risks and making their own informed decisions.

Perhaps not surprisingly, 2013 has brought with it a lawsuit in which Vivid Entertainment and porn stars Kayden Kross and Logan Pierce are suing the government over the law, claiming that it is unconstitutional and breaks their first amendment rights to freedom of expression.

I can see both sides of this particular debate. On the one hand, if you work in an industry where unprotected sex is the norm, even if you're a consenting adult, it might be difficult (or impossible) to say no to unprotected sex and still get work. There's also the issue of infection spreading faster than in the general population, and crossing over into it. But these are not new issues, and let's face it, there are plenty of people engaging in risky sex with multiple partners without getting paid for it.

On the other hand, for many - if not most - adult film stars, working bareback is something they are not only okay with, but prefer. And who's to tell them they can't do what they want with their bodies? No one's making everyone who hooks up at a club on Friday night for a one-night stand wear condoms by law, and some of them have gone without any form of testing for much longer and engaged in riskier behaviour than the porn stars in question. At least with porn stars, there's an added incentive not to take stupid risks - since if they contract an STD they'll be temporarily or permanently unable to work in the industry.

This is one of those issues I'm having a hard time picking a side on.

What do you think?

A Week of Sex: January 13-19, 2013

Since sex is such a vast and intriguing topic, a lot is said about it on the WWW every week. Even a randy girl like me has a hard time keeping up, though I do give it my best shot.

So I'm introducing a new series called "A Week of Sex," which is basically a round-up of the stories, articles and other random sex-related stuff that most appealed to me over the last week.  It'll all be stuff I found interesting but either don't have time to delve into, or was covered perfectly well by the original source. So here you go, go click your little brains out!

• Don't Let Your Family Find Your Porn Stash After You Die, Let "Keepers" Do It for You!

 Particularly popular in Japan, a new fad is arising for people nearing death - or just afraid of it happening unexpectedly - to create an "end note," which is an informal (i.e. not legally binding) document stating your wishes when you die. When the inevitable occurs, a professional called a "Keeper" (no, nothing to do with Harry Potter) comes in and gets rid of all the embarrassing stuff on your hard drive and in your house - everything from porn to evidence of an affair or illegitimate child to ladies' intimates. This way it's easier - and a lot less awkward - for family members to go through the rest of their loved one's belongings. And you really do get to take your secrets to the grave. Hmmm. Maybe I should look into that.

• Sex toys ad mailed by mistake: Canada Post

Apparently Canada Post mistakenly sent out flyers advertising Adam & Eve sex toys - featuring full frontal Bree Olson. Bree tweeted about the mistake, claiming it was nothing to do with her. And if you live in the Halifax area, check your mailbox, you may have a nice surprise!

• Sexting: There's an App for That. But beware: It Still Has Consequences 

New app 'Snapchat' allows users to send...er...in flagrante images that are set to permanently delete after a few seconds so they leave no embarrassing traces in the ether. Or do they?   

• Porn's New Market - Women  

I feel like this article is a few years behind the curve (or maybe I was just ahead of it?) but still, it's good to see women's sexuality - as consumers rather than objects - get fair play. Though I really wish they'd stop going on about 50 Shades of fucking Grey like we don't have better things to do with our sexy time.

• Ready for Motion-Controlled Porn? It's Coming

Or should we say Cumming? The idea is porn that you can interact with - like a Wii game - so that you can really feel like you're part of the action. That might actually be enough to get me into video games.

• Safe sex? There's an app for that

A new app called 'MedXSafe' allows users to 'bump' their iPhones to exchange STD status, as verified by their doctor at their most recent clinic visit. Of course nothing's foolproof, but it's still a fantastic idea.

• Private Lives of Toronto Citizens Revealed in Sex Survey [VIDEO]

Did you know that sex clubs are legal in Toronto? Or that 'body houses' (i.e. brothels) are soon to be legalized? Or that 60% confess to having sex in public? Bet you want to move to T-Dot now, huh? (I can't find the whole survey - if I do, I'll update with a link. If you know where to find it, share, share, share!)

• Most Women Don’t Marry the Best Sex They’ve Ever Had

Apparently when deciding on a "happily ever after" partner, lots of women go for getting along over getting it on. Say what?

• 13 Massive Sex Conspiracies 

Everything from circumcision to homosexuality cures to stopping prostitution - find out about some of the biggest sex-related conspiracies in history.

• Zumba Prostitution Case Heads to Trial After Plea Deal Fails

So that's why everyone's crazy about Zumba!

• Porn Fans Least likely to Watch on Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter Sunday (But Valentine's Day Still Gets Plenty of X-rated Hits)

I'm pretty sure it's not the naughty list that curbs porn watching on Christmas - it's the house full of in-laws. 

That's the week of sex. Hopefully you were entertained, titillated - and learned a thing or two! Read, watch or hear something fascinating this week? Share in the comments!

And the Winners Are....

We've had the Golden Globes - now it's time for the next big awards of the season: The AVN (Adult Video News) Award Winners! For those of you who are unfamiliar with this particular event, it's basically the Oscars of porn. Awards are given for categories including everything from Best Celebrity Sex Tape to Best Big Butt Series to Best Lubricant Manufacturer (No, I'm not kidding. This year Pjur USA won).

Some highlights from this year's winners include:

Best Parody – Comedy
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody, Axel Braun/Vivid

Best Parody – Drama
Spartacus MMXII: The Beginning, London Gunn/Miko Lee/Wicked

Best Cinematography
Alex Ladd, Carlos D. & Mason, Wasteland, Elegant Angel Productions

Best Comedy
Nurses 2, Digital Playground

Best Drama
Wasteland, Elegant Angel Productions

Best Educational Release
Belladonna’s How to: “Fuck!”, Belladonna/Evil Angel

Best Gonzo Release
Bobbi Violates San Francisco, Bobbi Starr/Evil Angel

So, whether you're new to porn and looking for some recommendations, a porn officionado wondering if your favourite star or film took home an Award, or just curious to see the pictures, you can check out coverage of the event here (warning: some of the photos are NSFW) and a full list of award winners here.

Grats to this years' AVN winners!

Sex Toys for Beginners Part 2: Good Vibrations

Dildos. Vibrators. Cockrings. Butt plugs. If you're a newbie to the wonderful world of sex toys, you might find them a bit intimidating. But don't worry, we've all been there, and I've got some useful tips that can help ease you in slowly (somewhat like the aforementioned butt plug).

First things first, don't jump straight into the heavy stuff. Start off with something small, something that doesn't require a huge investment of money or effort to enjoy, and something that you wouldn't be too embarrassed walking up to the counter with. Like this little beauty:

I know quite a few ladies who began their sex toy collections with this little wonder. It's not too high-tech, it's not too expensive, and you can adjust the controls to find what rhythm and intensity suit you. You can insert it (wherever you want) and use the remote control to find the perfect vibration setting. You can also use it on the clitoris directly.

Aside from the fact that it's a versatile and fun toy to play with, it's small and simple enough that it's not intimidating - to a girl as her first toy (whether she buys it for herself or whether an open-minded partner gets it for her) or to her partner. It can be used solo or with your partner, and can be really fun for both parties - especially if his or her tongue gets tired! It's also pretty easy to find one either at your local adult toy shop or online - lots of brands make them and they're pretty popular! If you only ever buy one toy, I'd recommend this one.

Bonus Tip: You can often buy spare bullets in case you wear out the motor on your first one!

We've all been there...

I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that she can't spell because she's, you know, distracted.

Go Ahead - Get Wet

Ever been reading a steamy book in the tub (possibly with a water-safe toy or two, if you're the "be prepared" type) and gotten so excited that you've dropped it in the water? I have. And it was tragic. I don't even break the spines of my books, let alone let them get soaked through. So you can imagine my glee when I stumbled across this awesome and "why didn't they think of this before?"-worthy gem: a waterproof book of erotica.

The book is a compilation of stories - which I think is fabulous because of you don't like the style, tone or imagery of one story, you just skip right past it. So it's already fantastic. But the book is a Durabook that you can sprinkle, spray, douse or drop - and it'll still be as good as new. Not only that, but the erotic stores are water-themed, making it all the easier to transport yourself into the story as you read in the tub.

So go ahead, run a warm tub, light some candles, and get it (and yourself) as wet as you want.

Find out where to get it here. And check out the other two books in the series:

Click on images to find out 

where to get either of these titles!

   

James Franco's New Project Is Pretty Knotty

You gotta love James Franco. Not only did he rock it in drag on the cover of Candy Magazine (the first transgender style magazine) two years ago, which confirmed me as a lifelong fan, but he is in the process of directing a movie about kink.com (completely NSFW, btw) - an adult bondage porn site.

Apparently the project was inspired by Franco's own forrays into on-camera sex with a girlfriend. When they later watched the tape, he discovered what many of us have - that having hot sex on camera isn't as easy as the pros make it look. It's awkward, the angles are tricky, and it can be pretty unforgiving of any minor physical defect. Not that Franco has any of those, of course.

So he decided to make a proper movie about pornography - with the help of none other than bondage porn star and kink.com native, Princess Donna Dolore.

Apparently the film is called Public Sex, Private Lives (according to Wikipedia's page on PDD, but I can't find the title of it anywhere else or any reference to its title in credible news sources). 

Franco said about the project: "I'm making a documentary about pornography. There's this amazing facility in San Francisco. It's at this old armory and they do everything in house, they build their props in house, so I'm making a documentary about that." (source)

Trust Franco to not only decide to do a movie about a porn site - but to choose a kinky one! Love.

**Update: The film is actually called Kink (though feel free to check out Public Sex, Private Lives - it looks interesting too!) and if you want to see the trailer and hear a little interview with James Franco and the film's director, click here.

Some Wisdom for the Fellas...

Plus, if you do it right, it's FUN!

Sex Toys for Beginners Part 1: Virtual Sexuality

Probably the #1 reason people don't buy sex toys is that they're too shy to go into the store that sells them. What if someone they know sees them? What if the salesperson tries to talk to them about sex and it gets really awkward? What if they can't figure out what all those gadgets are for?

It can be a bit intimidating. So my first tip for buying sex toys is to start online. Why not? You can spend as long as you want browsing, researching the toys you're interested in, reading reviews - and all without having to talk to a real live person (you can even use Chrome's incognito browser if you share a computer). The best part? Your toys will arrive in your mailbox without ever having to set foot in an adult store.

Of course, you'll want to make sure you find a reliable, trustworthy online store to shop from. Not only do you want to make sure you're not going to get ripped off (who wants to explain to their credit card company that they need to stop payment to Sex on the Net for a butt plug and anal-ease?), but you want to make sure you're getting high-quality items made from safe materials.

My favourite stores - both in person and online - are:

The Art of Loving
The Love Nest
Womyns'Ware

But if they don't ship to your part of the world or if they don't have what you're looking for, my advice is to do some research into sex stores in your area and find their websites. I visited the storefronts before the websites for both of these and got a feel for them and knew I could trust them. You can scope out a store and get a good feel for whether it's an upscale establishment without even going inside (hint: if it has blacked-out windows and ads for 25 cent peep shows, it might not be the woman-friendly type of place you're looking for).

Once you figure out where to buy from, do your research on what you're going to buy. Visit the websites of the companies that make the toy(s) you're considering buying, and make sure you trust their policies and materials. You can even order directly from toy manufacturers if you know exactly what you're looking for. (I know and trust the three stores listed above, so you can always find what you want on their site, and look for the same brand on a site that ships to your location if you're nervous.)

But most of all, take the time to read reviews and blogs (like this one) so that you have an idea what's out there and what might appeal to you. This way you're less likely to end up disappointed! As you may have noticed from the title of this post, I'll be doing a series of sex toy posts that have more specific toy recommendations to get started with, and a few useful tips to go along with them, so be sure to check back, and happy shopping!

Porn for Women is NOT Cleaning the Lint Trap

If there's one thing that drives me nuts, it's the perception that women don't enjoy porn - or even worse, sex in general. Though they're amusing momentarily, the base assumption behind funny memes like the one above drives me up the wall. And not in a good way.

While it's nice for anyone - both women and men - when their partner does things around the house to make life easier, appreciation for a job well done is not the same thing as creaming one's pants. Take a look at these images, and tell me, honestly, if any of them do a single thing for you. My guess is NO.

What woman out there seriously gets turned on by shit like this? I mean, really. They're not even naked. They're also a little creepy.

Here's what I think:

That's right - porn women really want very closely resembles porn men want. You  know, in the sense that it's got naked people bumping uglies. Call me slutty (no really, do), but I'll take a guy who can fuck me senseless but leaves socks lying about over a guy who spends all his time cleaning up and putting furniture together according to the instructions.

Over and out.

Taboo: The Naughty But Nice (Sex) Show

I look forward to Taboo every year. It's like disneyland for adults - booths upon booths of sex toys, books, outfits and various other exciting, enticing (and sometimes confusing) merchandise, along with free seminars on everything from g-spots to relatioship advice. They even have entertainment (last time I went they had a performance by Vancouver's top burlesque school, Screaming Chicken) and booths where, if you're brave enough, you can get tattoos and/or piercings. Admission doesn't cost much - if you get your tickets online it's $15 per adult (or $20 at the door), $10 for students on Thursday and ladies are 2 for 1 on Friday. If you plan on buying anything, you'll save that much at least because everything's much, much cheaper.

The Vancouver show is just around the corner, so grab your tickets now!

Taboo will also be in these cities:

Saskatoon - February 1-3, 2013
Regina - Feburary 22-24, 2013
Red Deer - April 5-7, 2013


See you there!

BOOK REVIEW - Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex - Mary Roach

If you’ve ever been curious about the postal service’s contribution to treating erectile dysfunction, what exactly went on in Alfred Kinsey’s attic, and what, if any, is the benefit of sex machines, this is the book for you. Mary Roach, who is best known for her book Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, the best-selling book about corpses (a book I stumbled across after its cameo appearance on the TV show Six Feet Under) takes on a whole new area of study in her newest book, Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex. As the name implies, her newest book tackles the topic of the historical scientific study of human sexuality (or, in some cases, the lack thereof). This book once again proves her ability to take what could be dry research and infuse it with vitality.

Ever the intrepid researcher, Roach follows her research topic into strange (and sometimes terrifying) places. In the name of research she braves the ripe stench that is a barn full of sows in heat and offers herself (and a somewhat reticent husband) as subjects to find out how ultrasounds of human copulation work. Those with weak stomachs would be well advised to skip the beginning of chapter six, where she describes in detail the work of Dr. Hsu, one of the world’s leading urologists. Trust me, it’s graphic.

Reading the book I was impressed by Roach’s talents not just as a writer, but as a researcher. The book is written with thoughtful detail and Roach demonstrates her extraordinary ability to cherry pick the juiciest and most interesting bits of information, making what could be tedious and long-winded research from a far-gone era not only relevant but, in many cases, hilarious. Her writing style is quick, witty, and with just the right balance of authority and humour. Even the footnotes were worth reading, in some cases making me laugh out loud.

I would recommend this book as required reading for any self-appointed sexologist or sexpert. This book knocks other surveys of sex study off the shelf. Covering every significant theory, study and persona in the area of sex research and sexology from Alfred Kinsey and his Report on Female Sexuality to Johnson and Masters to Carol Queen, she slogged through the dry, the boring and the just plain weird so that you don’t have to.

Sex Resolutions

What better place to start than with the new year? I've never been a huge fan of new year's resolutions, but I'm sure you've all made long, boring lists of resolutions that involve lots of boring sessions on the treadmill, giving up all the foods you even remotely enjoy and spending every waking hour cleaning the house. And next year your list will probably look a lot like that one up there.

This year, why not do something different? How about setting some healthy goals that are, I dunno, FUN?  Did you know that sex helps reduce stress - and regular orgasms even reduce the chances of prostate cancer in men? That's right, sex is good for you. So add these to your list of new year's resolutions:

• Try at least one new sexual position every month.
• Spend some time "soloing" - even if you're in a relationship. It's an important way of keeping in touch with your body and can take the pressure off if you get performance anxiety. Who knows, you might even discover a few new tricks to pass on to your partner!
• Indulge in a new sex toy - like this one!
• Check out end-of-the-year roundup sex books, like Best Sex Writing 2013 (out in January) or an erotic compilation.
• Make sex into playtime - resolve to play out one of your sexual fantasies (and one of your partner's) to keep things exciting!

Now go forth and get sexy with your bad selves!