Sex Toys for Beginners Part 6: Keeping it Clean

Cleaning your intimate toys isn't like cleaning anything else in your home. You can't just use dish soap or throw them in the dishwasher. Not only do some of them have electrical components, but the materials they're made from can be damaged or degraded by harsh cleaners. But keeping them clean is essential. So here's a bit of helpful info on how to keep dirty play clean!

This goes without saying (I really hope), but just like when you buy a bathing suit or new pair of skivvies, the very first thing you need to do with a new toy is clean and sterilize it thoroughly. No matter how much you're itching to take it out of the box and play. Depending on the type of toy in question, and the material it is made of, there are a few different ways to do this.

If your toy is electronic, make sure to remove batteries (or unplug it, obvs) before getting it anywhere near water. With electronic toys, unless they're meant to be used underwater, you'll want to clean it without immersing it fully in water, so no soaking or boiling. Just wash thoroughly and rinse avoiding gaps around battery enclosures.

If your toy is made of 100% silicone, you can boil it for a few minutes (as long as it's not electronic), wash it with a liquid antibacterial soap or even mix some bleach in with water to kill everything (1 part bleach to 9 parts water recommended dilution). If you use anything other than boiling water for any toys, make sure to rinse very well to remove any traces of soap or bleach from the toy.

Jelly and hard plastic toys are fine with a good washing with soap and water - I use a gentle antibacterial soap for this as well.

If your toy is made of a material called Cyberskin, they can be cleaned with hot tap water, using rubbing alcohol to disinfect periodically.

You can also use a custom toy cleaner - most stores that sell toys will also sell toy cleaners. These are good because you know they're safe to use on the material your toy is made of, they're designed to clean them thoroughly, and they're also designed to rinse away clean without leaving any traces of bleach or perfume that might irritate sensitive skin.

If you're not sure how to clean a toy, send an email to the store you purchased it from or the manufacturer and ask them what they recommend - better safe than crying over an expensive wrecked toy!

Sex Toys for Beginners Part 5: Toys for Boys 2

Done playing with your Fleshlight and ready for some more tips? You got it. Let's jump right in.

Cockrings are another simple, yet effective toy. They can make orgasms more intense, increase sensitivity - and are helpful for guys who have problems keeping their erection or with premature ejaculation. (A few words of caution: use lube and don't wear one for longer than 20 minutes, tops.)

The next toy I recommend is actually the same one as I recommended for girls in this post - but with a little extra addition. You can actually buy custom cockrings of different shapes, sizes and textures, that actually have a loop designed to hold a bullet vibe (see above). This can be worn on the penis to stimulate both the shaft (and, depending where it's worn, even the testicles) and can be positioned to hit your lady's sweet spot at the same time!

Because you guys have a prostate (or "p-spot" - yes, you guys get cute names too), anal play is a whole different ball game (no pun intended) than it is for the ladies - and if you're open to it, it can be a lot of fun.

And last but not least, don't underestimate the enjoyment that can be had from using toys on your partner. I know some of you guys feel threatened by our toys - but don't worry NOTHING replaces good old fashioned fingers, tongues and, of course, penises. The toys are... like a little extra spice in the sauce. If you play with them with us, I guarantee you'll have fun too!

Sex Toys for Beginners Part 5: Toys for Boys 1

Toys aren't just for chicks. (I'm not talking about teddy bears here, but guys, if you just need something to cuddle, we won't judge.) There are plenty of toys for men out there - and some that are awesome for both men and women.

Like with women's toys, I suggest that you spend some time perusing the internet, looking at what different toy stores have, and see what types of toys are available. Research is always the first step.

The number one sex accessory I recommend for guys isn't actually a toy. It's lube. There are lots of different types out there - different consistencies and even some that warm up. If you're playing alone or with a partner, finding the right lube is an important first step.

Once you've got your favourite lube picked out, you can try a penis sleeve. Probably the most infamous is the Fleshlight, but there are all sorts of different shapes and sizes. They're usually made of silicone and have some sort of texture for extra stimulation. The Fleshlight actually adds suction into the mix, which is part of why it's the best-known of its class. For more info on sleeves, click here, and to peruse a selection, here.

Now, go have fun with that, and I'll be back next week with some more fun tips for the fellas!

Sex Toys for Beginners Part 4: Rear Entry

Now that we've covered the basics, let's move on to the more intimidating class of toys - the ones for anal play. These aren't for the faint of heart, but they're not as scary as you might think, either!

When it comes to the back door, there are a few things to bear in mind, the most important being: don't lose anything up there. I once heard it described as "a hungry little orifice," which is a good way to think of it. If you look at toys that are custom-made for anal play, you'll notice that they either are on strings (anal beads) or have a base that is flared. This is because the muscles back there are very strong - and often move involuntarily. If you put something in there that you can't hold onto or that doesn't have a flared base, you could be in trouble - and end up making an embarrassing (and uncomfortable) trip to the doctor's office.

This isn't to say you can't use dildos that aren't custom-made for anal play, however if you do, make sure they have something to hold onto, and don't use so much lube that you lose your grip. Safety first, people!

If you're not sure where to start but are curious, I'd recommend starting off with something custom-made for anal play - and I'd go with something small, like this plug:

It's not too big, but you'll still want to go slowly. The muscles in the anal region aren't accustomed to letting things in, and it can feel pretty weird at first. If you try to go too fast you might find it uncomfortable and be put off by the whole idea. Don't rush it, and don't worry if you don't get as far as you want on your first try.

Anal beads are great too - the texture can be quite pleasing and they can be inserted early on during play and removed strategically to enhance orgasm. Again, be sure not to lose them up there! A great set to begin with is "Flexi Felix," which looks just as cute as it sounds, is relatively small and, as the name implies, flexible.

There are some toys designed for men to use in anal play specifically to stimulate the prostate (or p-spot). The Aneros is a great one because it's designed to move pleasurably automatically when muscles contract, and it has a tab to massage the pressure point in the perineum. Click on the link to see an informative video that will show you the toy and identify the different features.

Bonus Tip: Don't forget to use plenty of (water-based) lube!

Sex Toys for Beginners Part 3: The Size and Shape of It

Once you've got the vibrator sorted out, a dildo is the next logical step. These come in all sorts of variations - different sizes, shapes, textures, some that vibrate, have flashing lights, pearls or ball bearings - whatever takes your fancy. I recommend starting with something that isn't too complicated, like this one:

Some of the benefits of this one are that it's easy to clean and take care of (it's silicone so you can boil it or clean it in a bleach solution - more info on this coming in Part 7), doesn't run out of batteries, can be taken safely in the tub, and it even has a cavity that fits a vibrating bullet if you want some vibrations to go with it. Because this is silicone it gets warm pretty quickly and once it's warm, it'll stay that way for awhile.

Tip: If you hate the feel of a cold dildo, run it under warm water for a minute or so before playing so that it's body temperature.

Sex Toys for Beginners Part 1: Virtual Sexuality

Probably the #1 reason people don't buy sex toys is that they're too shy to go into the store that sells them. What if someone they know sees them? What if the salesperson tries to talk to them about sex and it gets really awkward? What if they can't figure out what all those gadgets are for?

It can be a bit intimidating. So my first tip for buying sex toys is to start online. Why not? You can spend as long as you want browsing, researching the toys you're interested in, reading reviews - and all without having to talk to a real live person (you can even use Chrome's incognito browser if you share a computer). The best part? Your toys will arrive in your mailbox without ever having to set foot in an adult store.

Of course, you'll want to make sure you find a reliable, trustworthy online store to shop from. Not only do you want to make sure you're not going to get ripped off (who wants to explain to their credit card company that they need to stop payment to Sex on the Net for a butt plug and anal-ease?), but you want to make sure you're getting high-quality items made from safe materials.

My favourite stores - both in person and online - are:

The Art of Loving
The Love Nest
Womyns'Ware

But if they don't ship to your part of the world or if they don't have what you're looking for, my advice is to do some research into sex stores in your area and find their websites. I visited the storefronts before the websites for both of these and got a feel for them and knew I could trust them. You can scope out a store and get a good feel for whether it's an upscale establishment without even going inside (hint: if it has blacked-out windows and ads for 25 cent peep shows, it might not be the woman-friendly type of place you're looking for).

Once you figure out where to buy from, do your research on what you're going to buy. Visit the websites of the companies that make the toy(s) you're considering buying, and make sure you trust their policies and materials. You can even order directly from toy manufacturers if you know exactly what you're looking for. (I know and trust the three stores listed above, so you can always find what you want on their site, and look for the same brand on a site that ships to your location if you're nervous.)

But most of all, take the time to read reviews and blogs (like this one) so that you have an idea what's out there and what might appeal to you. This way you're less likely to end up disappointed! As you may have noticed from the title of this post, I'll be doing a series of sex toy posts that have more specific toy recommendations to get started with, and a few useful tips to go along with them, so be sure to check back, and happy shopping!