Sex Toys for Beginners Part 6: Keeping it Clean

Cleaning your intimate toys isn't like cleaning anything else in your home. You can't just use dish soap or throw them in the dishwasher. Not only do some of them have electrical components, but the materials they're made from can be damaged or degraded by harsh cleaners. But keeping them clean is essential. So here's a bit of helpful info on how to keep dirty play clean!

This goes without saying (I really hope), but just like when you buy a bathing suit or new pair of skivvies, the very first thing you need to do with a new toy is clean and sterilize it thoroughly. No matter how much you're itching to take it out of the box and play. Depending on the type of toy in question, and the material it is made of, there are a few different ways to do this.

If your toy is electronic, make sure to remove batteries (or unplug it, obvs) before getting it anywhere near water. With electronic toys, unless they're meant to be used underwater, you'll want to clean it without immersing it fully in water, so no soaking or boiling. Just wash thoroughly and rinse avoiding gaps around battery enclosures.

If your toy is made of 100% silicone, you can boil it for a few minutes (as long as it's not electronic), wash it with a liquid antibacterial soap or even mix some bleach in with water to kill everything (1 part bleach to 9 parts water recommended dilution). If you use anything other than boiling water for any toys, make sure to rinse very well to remove any traces of soap or bleach from the toy.

Jelly and hard plastic toys are fine with a good washing with soap and water - I use a gentle antibacterial soap for this as well.

If your toy is made of a material called Cyberskin, they can be cleaned with hot tap water, using rubbing alcohol to disinfect periodically.

You can also use a custom toy cleaner - most stores that sell toys will also sell toy cleaners. These are good because you know they're safe to use on the material your toy is made of, they're designed to clean them thoroughly, and they're also designed to rinse away clean without leaving any traces of bleach or perfume that might irritate sensitive skin.

If you're not sure how to clean a toy, send an email to the store you purchased it from or the manufacturer and ask them what they recommend - better safe than crying over an expensive wrecked toy!

Sex Toys for Beginners Part 5: Toys for Boys 2

Done playing with your Fleshlight and ready for some more tips? You got it. Let's jump right in.

Cockrings are another simple, yet effective toy. They can make orgasms more intense, increase sensitivity - and are helpful for guys who have problems keeping their erection or with premature ejaculation. (A few words of caution: use lube and don't wear one for longer than 20 minutes, tops.)

The next toy I recommend is actually the same one as I recommended for girls in this post - but with a little extra addition. You can actually buy custom cockrings of different shapes, sizes and textures, that actually have a loop designed to hold a bullet vibe (see above). This can be worn on the penis to stimulate both the shaft (and, depending where it's worn, even the testicles) and can be positioned to hit your lady's sweet spot at the same time!

Because you guys have a prostate (or "p-spot" - yes, you guys get cute names too), anal play is a whole different ball game (no pun intended) than it is for the ladies - and if you're open to it, it can be a lot of fun.

And last but not least, don't underestimate the enjoyment that can be had from using toys on your partner. I know some of you guys feel threatened by our toys - but don't worry NOTHING replaces good old fashioned fingers, tongues and, of course, penises. The toys are... like a little extra spice in the sauce. If you play with them with us, I guarantee you'll have fun too!

Sex Toys for Beginners Part 5: Toys for Boys 1

Toys aren't just for chicks. (I'm not talking about teddy bears here, but guys, if you just need something to cuddle, we won't judge.) There are plenty of toys for men out there - and some that are awesome for both men and women.

Like with women's toys, I suggest that you spend some time perusing the internet, looking at what different toy stores have, and see what types of toys are available. Research is always the first step.

The number one sex accessory I recommend for guys isn't actually a toy. It's lube. There are lots of different types out there - different consistencies and even some that warm up. If you're playing alone or with a partner, finding the right lube is an important first step.

Once you've got your favourite lube picked out, you can try a penis sleeve. Probably the most infamous is the Fleshlight, but there are all sorts of different shapes and sizes. They're usually made of silicone and have some sort of texture for extra stimulation. The Fleshlight actually adds suction into the mix, which is part of why it's the best-known of its class. For more info on sleeves, click here, and to peruse a selection, here.

Now, go have fun with that, and I'll be back next week with some more fun tips for the fellas!

A Week of Sex: March 4-10

Okay, finally gonna do my best to catch up and get back to regular posting. I know, bad blogger. I've probably earned a spanking. Well, if you must... ;)

Here's the week in sex news:

• LovePalz, The Real-Time Virtual Sex Toy for Long-Distance Couples, Will Launch on March 29

Does this remind anyone else of that episode of The Big Bang Theory where Wallowitz and Kuthrapali try out a long-distance kissing device, and basically end up kissing each other? Well, it's kinda like that... but not for tongues. If you're in a geographically-challenged twosome, this might be one to check out!

• The Future of Porn at SXSW? Cindy Gallop On How A World of Hardcore Pornography Has Distorted the Way A Generation Think About Sex

I wish I could have been there. This lady sounds seriously kickass. Wonder if she's in the market for a new best friend?

• Cindy Gallop: Make Love Not Porn

In case you're curious about the video mentioned in the SXSW article. I was. Also here's the link to her website. 

• Will Porn Be Banned In Europe? EU Set To Vote On Internet Crackdown

Mind=blown. Can you even imagine the internet without porn anymore? I can't. To be totally honest, I'm not really sure I want to. 

• A New Study Says Sheryl Sandberg Is Wrong About Husbands And Sex

Okay, so I'm almost hesitant to write this, cos I don't want to discourage men from doing their fair share of housework... but remember that thing going around about how men who do more housework have more sex? Yeah, it's not true. Necessarily. You know, unless you have a wife who appreciates that sort of thing. Which a lot of us do. *Ahem.*

• Carrying Condoms Can Get You Arrested for Prostitution

Did you know that if you're profiled as a sex worker in New York City and happen to be a responsible sexual person carrying a condom, you can be arrested and held for up to three days? Neither did I. 

• Modern Love: Twitter, My PA, and Life As A Sex Worker

Modern technology - social media in particular - has changed how we do business. All of us. Even those conducting it in less than traditional settings.

MIA

Sorry for the absence - I was out of town and didn't anticipate being so busy when I got back! It's not because I stopped loving y'all. Promise to get back to regular posting ASAP. To make it up to you, here's some Betty White. Because who doesn't love Betty White?

A Week of Sex: February 4-10

This week's post is waaaaaay late - I've been chipping away at it for ages and just want to get it posted!

• How Bad Body Image Can Ruin Your Sex Life

No surprises here - if you hate how you look you don't feel good naked. And if you don't feel good naked, it's hard to let go and enjoy someone else looking at you and touching you. No one is perfect, and there's a huge range of bodies out there. Some are more "attractive" than others, sure, but at the end of the day, yours is the only one you're going to get. So as hard as it sounds, suck it up, make peace with the flaws you can't (or won't) fix, and get down with your bad selves.

• Let's talk about sex: Threesomes, orgasms, porn, sexting and more - all your sex questions answered

Three online sex gurus answer a whole range of questions, from how ask for what you want in bed to whether faking it is every okay. 

• 2013 Sex Survey: Sexual Health

Every year the Georgia Straight publishes a survey on the sex lives of Vancouverites. This year is the 8th, and it'll tell you way more than you ever wanted to know about what goes on behind the closed doors of this west coast city!

• University Of Illinois Brings In Porn Star For Sex Seminars

The infamous Annie Sprinkle (former prostitute and porn star turned sex expert with a Ph.D in human sexuality) paid the University of Illinois to provide a week of events - everything from techniques demonstrated on anatomical models to a screening of her film, Annie Sprinkle's Amazing World of Orgasm. Sounds like a proper education to me!

That's it for this week - it's a short one! See you next week!

STILL Not Asking for It.

Back in my college days I was part of a Women's Collective. I went to feminist events. I took Women's Studies courses. I met some amazing ladies, and I learned a lot: both about myself and about the world and my place in it. I learned wonderful things and terrifying things. Things that made me grateful and things that made me ill.

But the most valuable thing I took away from it all? That despite all the "fuck yeah girl power," men are NOT the enemy. In fact, they can be (and many - if not most - are) strong, empathetic allies. I think there's a place in feminist issues for men, and I think there should be a place for them. Men don't exist in a vacuum. They have mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, daughters, colleagues and friends who are women. And many of them would fight harder for us than some of us fight for ourselves. They may not be women, but that doesn't mean they haven't experienced victimization and injustice. They get it.

This is one of the reasons I rarely refer to myself as a feminist; I prefer to think of myself as an egalitarian. I think everyone should have the same rights: to be loved, to be safe, to be happy, to control our lives and bodies. Every single one of us. No ifs, ands or buts.

When this photo came through my Facebook news feed, it made me smile. Here's the caption that accompanied the photo:

'This photo was posted on STFU, Conservatives Tumblr page last night. The reason why I'm sharing it is not because of the photo itself (which is epic in its own right), but for the comments it generated. One person wrote, "but then again, it's kind like putting a meat suit on and telling a shark not to eat you."
STFU responded (with bolded text):
"We (men) are not fucking sharks!
We are not rabid animals living off of pure instinct
We are capable of rational thinking and understanding.
Just because someone is cooking food doesn't mean you’re entitled to eat it.
Just because a banker is counting money doesn't mean you’re being given free money.
Just because a person is naked doesn't mean you’re entitled to fuck them.
You are not entitled to someone else’s body just because it’s exposed.
What is so fucking difficult about this concept?"
Well Done! Speak up when you hear sexist comments! Be an ally!'

Word. Couldn't have said it better myself.